Saturday, February 22, 2003

WAR FOR DUMMIES

If any of you are virtual war nuts, you simply must let the war games begin!

Thanks to Chad, via Eschaton, for this one.


Is a caption even necessary?
IF THEY MATED...

By now, everyone has seen the Valentine's Day cover of the Daily Mirror, the one extolling Bush and Blair to make love, not war (scroll down).

While I'm sure Dubya is proud of his daughters, I'll bet there are twinges of remorse that he never had a son. I've found a woman willing to be their surrogate mother, so now the world can know what would happen...if they mated!

Thursday, February 20, 2003

RULES FOR BEING A GOOD REPUBLICAN

1) You have to believe that the nation's 8-year prosperity prior to
GWB's administration was due to the work of Ronald Reagan and George H. Bush, but that today's growing deficit and rising gas prices
are all Clinton's fault.

2) You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success
all on their own.

3) You have to be against government programs, but expect Social
Security checks on time.

4) You have to believe that government should stay out of people's lives, yet you want government to regulate only opposite-gender marriages and
what your official language should be.

5)You have to believe that pollution is OK, so long as it makes a profit.

6) You have to believe in prayers in schools, as long as you don't pray to
Allah or Buddha.

7) You have to believe that only your own teenagers are still virgins.

8) You have to believe that a woman cannot be trusted with decisions
about her body, but large multi-national corporations should have no
regulation or interference whatsoever.

9) You love Jesus and Jesus loves you. By the way, Jesus shares your
hatred of AIDS victims, homosexuals, and ex-President Clinton.

10) You have to believe that society is color-blind and growing black in
America doesn't diminish your opportunities but you still won't vote for Alan Keyes.

11) You have to believe that it was wise to allow Ken Starr to $50
million dollars to attack Clinton because no other US Presidents have
ever been unfaithful to their wives.

12) You have to believe that a waiting period for purchasing a handgun is bad because quick access to a new firearm is an important concern for all Americans.

13) You have to believe it is wise to keep condoms out of schools
because we all know if teenagers don't have condoms they won't have
sex.

14) You have to believe that the ACLU is bad because they defend the
Constitution, while the NRA is good because they defend the
Constitution.

15) You have to believe that Socialism hasn't worked anywhere and that Europe doesn't exist.

16) You have to believe the AIDS virus is not important enough to
deserve federal funding proportionate to the resulting death rate and that
the public doesn't need to be educated about it, because if we just ignore it, it will go away.

17) You have to believe that biology teachers are corrupting the morals
of 6th graders if they teach them the basics of human sexuality, but the
Bible, which is full of sex and violence, is good reading and right on the
mark.

18) You have to believe that Chinese Communist missiles have killed
more Americans than handguns, alcohol and tobacco.

19) You have to believe that even though governments have supported
the Arts for 5000 years and that most of the great works of the
Renaissance Art were paid for by governments, our government should
shun any such support. After all the rich can afford to buy their own
art and the poor don't need any.

20) You have to believe that the lumber from the last one percent of old
growth US forests is well worth the destruction of those forests and the
extinction of the several species of plants and animals therein.

21) You have to believe that we should forgive and pray for Newt
Gingrich, Henry Hyde and Bob Livingston for their marital infidelities but that bastard Clinton should have been impeached.

Thanks to Claudius, via daily KOS, for this one.